I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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