i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
