All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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