Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
