hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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