I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
