then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize