batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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