I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
