yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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