She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
