Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
