I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
