Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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