i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
