Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
