He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
