i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
