If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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