Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
