u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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