What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
