Someone shit on the floor
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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