please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
