I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize