i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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