She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
