Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
