theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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