You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
