Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
