let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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