i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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