He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
