Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
