its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
