You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
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And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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