right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
