i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
