it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
