If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
