Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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