i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
