Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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