Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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