I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
