I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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