I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she pinky promised me she was 18
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
