He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
