Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
