i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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