Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
