that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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