Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
