We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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