I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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