It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
