my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
