So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
