I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize