conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
