Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
