i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
