So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
