I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
