based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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