R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
